“EddyPaul, your wedding must shake the world o. I done plan to eat everything way my eyes see. Nah me and constipation that day,” Marcus emphasized with smiles written all over his face.
I just smiled and imagined the disappointment he is bound to face if my plans succeed on that very day. I bet our friendship will end, kindling hatred prompted by hunger.
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“You are overdue for marriage,” people often say, but the day my mum told me a secondary classmate is about to father his third child, I realized I might really be due for marriage.
I had hoped to be a reverend father when I was a kid. My mum told me it was the devil talking through me. Her only son deciding to be a reverend father required an immediate deliverance session.
But as God would have it, I accidentally fell in love with Jennifer, a tall, slim, fair-skinned lady with the best smile in the world.
I could still picture how we met. Her mother was my mum’s regular customer who came almost every day to our provision store.
She fondly called me her son-in-law all my life, and when she heard I was done with school, she instigated my mum jokingly to bring all the items necessary for a traditional wedding, which my mum started to consider.
I had not even met this lady I had married in my parents’ minds, and the day I finally met Jennifer, I was so into her I could tell this was destiny pulling us together.
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Among every amazing thing about Jennifer was the fact that she hated people who came to people’s weddings to eat as if they had vowed to die by food.
So we concluded that there would be no food at our wedding, and to pull this off without getting killed by our parents who planned on inviting the world, we needed a plan.
So we began. I suggested.
“Why don’t we fix the wedding on a Monday? That way, people won’t turn up for our wedding, which means no people, no food.” Jennifer pondered on the thought for a while but disapproved of it.
“I know some people that will still attend a wedding on a Monday. Some people are determined.” she concluded.
“Then why don’t we put the venue in a place far from home? We can have the church wedding in Nigeria and the reception in South Africa.” I smiled because I knew this was an excellent plan.
“Sweetheart, people will still come. I know what I am saying,” she replied.
“Then what do we do?” I searched into her eyes and hoped she had a perfect idea.
“Why don’t we scatter our own wedding?” she said.
My eyes widened with surprise. “Scatter our wedding?” I whispered.
“Yes, we can rent some bad thugs to come to our wedding, and just when it’s time to serve people food at the reception, they will shoot in the sky, probably injure a few people, and cause commotion. We will run, and everyone will also run for their lives. No people, no food, game over.” she smiled.
I pondered for a while.
“Let’s do it.” We shook hands in agreement and blew kisses to each other.
Little did we know that our parents, especially our moms, were behind us, listening to our every conversation.
To cut the story short, on our wedding day, at the reception, we were tied to our chairs, with 16 Police officers at the entrance of the venue.
The hall was filled to the brim with faces we had never met. I even saw zazu packing rice into black nylon. We cried our eyes out as we watched hungry people, including my friend Marcus, eat to their hearts’ content.
THE END.
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- EddyPaul
- StoryVest
